Sunday, February 6, 2011

it smells like a diaper DAY 3

Day 3: 1/15/11 

"Speaker Phone" 
Sitting here with no contractions so I knew it would be a while. Started calling people to make plans cause I got bored. As soon as i hit the speaker phone button during the call the gates of heaven had opened up, it was a very strange and powerful explosion of poop. 

"The Mona Lisa"
A near perfect log created at the all you can eat buffet at Cici's. In all honesty I couldn't paint or draw a better shit and I fancy myself a decent artist. 

After an indulgence of free bread sticks and salad at the Olive Garden and a 15 minute car ride that should have been 5. My stomach was brewing up a beast finally when I got home after almost pooping my pants in the car the shit flew out of my ass like a god damn waterfall. 

"Round 1"
Through in a chew for some extra help relaxing the stomach. A few dumplings popped out into the bowl. Olive Garden doubled my hangover pain, this shit will resume later in what I'm guessing will be a liquid form...

"Everything I hoped for"
Something that didn't burn but came out real easy. Thank god cause I didn't think it would after that 4 night bender!

This weekends PRICK OF THE WEEK award ended up going to Joe Chav. He had quite the Thursday night he went to three different bars had girls pay for his cover and ended up pissing his pants and losing his phone. The next morning his phone was found by a friend in his apartment downtown. What really won Chav the award this week was the Friday morning comment "I could have fucked her, but I pissed my pants." Way to go Chav you're truely and inspiration to aspiring drunks across the Nation. The runner up this week was the douche that stole our keg shell, that was ballsy of you and we applaud your efforts, don't let us find you cause we will take you down to Chinatown and bust you with a steal pipe. 

Stay posted for Day 4 cause it's finally starting to get good. Catch yous on the flip, GO PACK

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